I was recently invited to sit for the gallery portrait group (I say invited, someone dropped out and I happened to be nearby). Useful advice that I can repeat here included: ‘Don’t cross your legs you’ll never get up again.’ ‘Let your mind drift off to your favourite Caribbean beach, you’ll look serene, darling.’ ‘Blow your nose before we start and try not to fart.’ Not having been to the Caribbean, I turned for inspiration to my daily To Do list. I dismissed the impractical options: put out the grey dustbin; give Molly her flea treatment (Molly is our cat, by the way, not my wife, daughter or mistress, although….). I also dismissed the boring stuff that had been on my list for a while and eventually plumped for: write a new song.  

Spending two hours as the centre of attention for 12 super talented people is certainly very flattering, getting paid for the privileged, and choosing your favourite portrait to take home is amazing. This got me thinking about vanity and how easily we can be manipulated when our ego is stroked, ‘You’ve got a really interesting face we’d love you to sit for us’. Mmm.  I had some important things I really should have been doing that morning, but hey! I also began thinking about the concept of time and how, for me, time was standing still while for the artists and rest of the world, time continue to pass, as, Dorian Grey like, they added the lines, creases and other signs of aging to my emerging portraits.  

Two hours later, the portraits were completed and so was my song. I chose my favourite, a chalk pastel by Glynne, which, now mounted and framed, hangs in my library (am I being vain?). I was also cheeky enough to snaffle another sketch I liked from Richard. Armed with my treasure I trotted off to Costa to spend my sitters fee and scribble down my song lyrics.

The lyrics, with notes and references for melody and style, were sent to my friends Pen and Stu, a talented contemporary folk duo I am collaborating with on this year’s theme song for the Hammond House International literary prize. What they have done with my few scribbled words is quite amazing and I am looking forward to the studio recording and first live performance at the Hammond House International Literary festival on the Wednesday 21st of February at the University Centre Grimsby. A host of other creative people will be there including members of the portrait group, gorilla sketching. https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/.../free-literary-festival...

So, if you need to write a song, have your ego stroked, earn a few quid or just spend a couple of hours in quiet contemplation, book your place to sit for the Portrait Group with gallery manager, Ellis Ballard: media@hammondhouse.org.uk